Lately I’ve been thinking a great deal about the topic of change. I’m not a big fan of it, which is probably why I’ve started out this year in a bit of a rut. I know change is needed in many areas of my life, but I always takes me a long time to go from “I need to change” to “I’m actually take the steps to change.” One of the reasons I think change is particularly challenging for me (and for a lot of other people as well) is that I tend to forget this very important truth:  It’s okay to ask for help.

Independence (and control…) is important to me, making it difficult for me to ask for help when I need it (or accept help easily when it’s offered), but lately I’ve been trying to be more open to letting others in, giving them insight into some of the things I’m struggling with, and expressing gratitude — rather than resistance — when they offer their advice or assistance. Little by little, I’m opening up more, exposing more of who I am to the people who know (and want to know) me. I know that, without the help of so many people in my life, I wouldn’t be where I am today, and yet I still sometimes resist help (or very good advice).

One of the best ways I can think of to counter this internal resistance is by reflecting on the many benefits other people have to offer when it comes to creating personal change. When it comes to personal growth, I want to believe that I don’t need others, but, as I seem to learn again and again, personal growth doesn’t have to be about just one person. Here are some of the ways other people can help you with personal change. 

1. They provide encouragement and support. When I think about all of the support and encouragement I’ve had over the past few months — particularly over on Instagram — I am in awe. Seriously. It’s such an amazing thing to have a supportive system, a group of people who encourage you and clearly want the best for you. Not everyone is lucky enough to have this. Not everyone is smart enough to embrace and accept this. For years and years, I pushed people away. The closer they got, the further I wanted to be from them. More and more I’m accepting goodness and support in my life. I’m learning every day that the people who love and support me are the people I need to have around me. 
2. They offer words of wisdom and insight. Whether it’s a comment on one of posts, an eye-opening chat with a new friend, or timeless advice my mom’s been offering me for years, everyone from the most distance acquaintance to the closest companion offers me wisdom and insight (whether they know it or not). When I surround myself with the right kinds of people — those who want me to succeed and do well, those who have faced their own trials and come out stronger, and those who have learned from their own mistakes — I find the wisdom to be that much greater. When I think of what I know now and how many people have contributed to that knowledge, I’m astounded. It is because of these insights that I’ve been able to change, to grow, and to work towards becoming the person I want to be.
3. They are there to catch you when you trip. None of us are perfect and we all fall down from time to time. I’ve made some not-so-great choices over the past few years, and it’s been my friends and family who have helped me to realize that a bad choice doesn’t make a bad person. Even when I’ve made mistakes, I’ve felt the support and encouragement of those around me,  and I realized that, even though I’ve fallen down (and likely will many more times in this life if I keep growing and changing!), with the help of others I was able to get back up again, dust myself off, and keep on going. The right people in your life will always be the ones pulling you up, and, yes, in many cases, I could pick myself up, it certainly never hurts to see an outstretched hand. 
4. They can be excellent sources of inspiration. Almost everything in the world that inspires me comes from other people. Whether it be books or music or simply words, people, their actions, and their creations continuously inspire me. (I also, at times, feel inspired by nature and by animals, but more often than not it’s human-related things that really spark the fire of inspiration in me.) During periods of personal change, I tend to seek out inspiration from others without even really realizing I’m doing it. People bring good things — wonderful, inspiring things — into this world, and a lot of my positive personal growth has come as a result of being inspired by others’ goodness.  
5. They push you when you need a gentle shove. More often than not, I don’t want a push. But, if I’m honest, sometimes I won’t change without one. When I’m faced with something I don’t want to do — something that seems so hard that I can’t even fathom undertaking such a challenge — I need someone who will gently encourage me to move in the right direction. For example, when my therapist first told me I had to give up drinking if I wanted a happier life, my instinct was to say, “Forever? Absolutely not.” But my therapist pushed. She made me see that I wasn’t going to get different results if I kept doing the same self-destructive things. And, you know what? She was right. It’s been nearly eight years now, and I can’t say for sure if I would be where I am without that nudge in the right direction.
6. They remind you of your unique awesomeness. Without other people around, would I think I had good qualities? Would I believe in myself? Would I know I was awesome? I would like to think so, but I honestly can’t say for certain. All of my life, I’ve had my parents, my sister, my friends, my teachers supporting me. Without their encouraging words, I’m not sure who I’d be. I’m not sure if I’d have the confidence that I do now. When I was a kid, my parents encouraged me to write and draw and do all of the things I loved to do. Without that, would I be here now? I don’t know.  It can be even the tiniest thing, but when someone else supports you and tells you that you’re doing a great job, it makes doing positive, productive things even more fulfilling. Sure, I’m working on changing for me, but it feels pretty great to know that other people think I’m doing good things with my life. 
7. They listen to all of your crazy, kooky ideas. This one goes out to my mom in particular. I’m always calling her with my latest idea. “Mom, I’m going to start a blog!”, “Mom, I’m going to write a new book!”, “Mom, I’m going to launch a print shop!” — to name a few. Whether I follow through with the idea or not, my mom (and any of my friends that I share my ideas with) is always supportive. She listens and never says anything like, “Well, you said you were going to write a book six months ago. What happened to that?” Instead, she says, “That’s a great idea! I’m going to email Oprah!” and “You should send your blog posts to Real Simple!” and “People will love reading about that!” While I don’t always follow through with my “brilliant” ideas, it’s so great to have someone in my life who thinks they’re wonderful and have potential. Even when people just listen, it means a lot and encourages me to keep going, keep growing, keep changing.  
8. They believe you will become who you want to be. Even when I don’t believe in myself — when I’ve felt that all hope was lost and that there was no way I could ever become a productive, positive person — other people believed in me. Throughout my life, I’ve been fortunate enough to have encouraging parents, friends, teachers, and bosses. No matter what I believe, other people believe in me. Other people want me to succeed and do well and they believe I can (even when I’m not in that believe-it-can-happen mindset). This is one of the greatest things about having other people in your life as you’re working on making a change. They believe. This support makes me work harder, want it more, and, of course, believe in myself. 
9. They reach out and ask you about your progress. I have some really great friends in my life who are always asking me, in a really honest, serious way, “How are you doing?” They want to know. They want to know how the progress in my life is going. They care. Without these inquiries, would I be motivated to keep going? Maybe, but it certainly helps to know that every so often a friend is going to ask, “Seriously, how’s everything going with that whole ‘change’ thing?” Being asked about how things are going in this whole changing process, is important. It reminds me that people are there, that they care, and that they genuinely want to know what’s going on. It also forces me to check in with myself and really think about how things are going. It’s great to know people care and their interest also serves as a reminder to care about yourself!
10. They point you in the right direction when you’re lost. No matter what journey you’re on in life, you’re bound to get lost from time to time (especially if you’re anything like me and have absolutely no sense of direction!). Sometimes getting lost can be a good thing. It can lead us in new and exciting directions. But sometimes it can be dangerous, scary, and isolating — which is why it’s great to have others around you who can show you the way. On a small scale, sometimes I veer away from my positively present vibe. That’s when a helpful friend or family member will say, “Now, it doesn’t sound like you’re being very positively present…” Yes, this is obnoxious, but it’s also a great reminder that I need to get back on my path. When I’m feeling lost, it’s almost always someone not something that brings me back again. 

As someone who doesn’t like to admit that she needs other people, thinking about this topic has been an eye-opener for me. It’s reminded me of how many times other people have helped me on my personal growth. I love to think I’m independent and self-sufficient, but there is truly something magical about opening up to others and allowing them to help you grow and learn and become a better version of yourself. Without others, I wouldn’t be who I am today, and I most likely wouldn’t still be on the road to becoming the me I want to be.

Whenever I do interviews, one of the questions I get asked most frequently is, “If you could give out one piece of advice, what would it be?” It’s a tough one to answer, but my instinct is almost always to say, “Pay attention to your thoughts.” It sounds like simple (or perhaps even strange) advice — after all, aren’t we always paying attention to our thoughts if we’re thinking them? But, if you think about it (ha!), we actually don’t pay attention to our thoughts very often.

Maybe when we’re infants or children we pay closer attention because many of them are so new, but as adults, we’ve often grown so used to the voice inside our own head that we don’t give it much thought, particularly when it comes to thoughts we have frequently. And paying attention to our thoughts can actually be challenging if we’re not used to it. I learned best how to do this by reading Byron Katie’s Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life. That kind of grandiose subtitle is often a stretch but, in this case, it happened to be true. Reading that book, and learning how to pay attention to my thoughts, really did change my life.

If you’ve been wondering about how to change your own thoughts (or just curious about what it would be like to better understand your own mind), I’d highly recommend reading that book. But if you’re short on time, here are a few things that might influence your thoughts. Taking note of them (and perhaps changing them if you don’t find them to be positive and beneficial to you) can really help you understand more about how you see the way you think. These are just a few of the various aspects of life that can influence you (some others include your culture, time period, what you eat, who you surround yourself with, whether or not you use mind-altering substances, etc.), but these are, in my opinion, some of the most important to reflect upon in order to better understand yourself. 

LOVE

What you love — or don’t love — impacts the way you see the world. There’s a reason that the phrases “rose-colored glasses” and “blinded by love” exist. What we care about (or don’t) influences how we see the things and people around us. Just think about a few things you really love (right now I’m envisioning dogs, rainbows, and a big stack of books from the library). You probably feel really positive and joyful thoughts about them, don’t you? Whenever you encounter those things in the world, you’ll be predisposed to enjoy them because you already have positive experiences with them. This isn’t to say this is a bad or a good thing. It’s just something worth noticing as you go about your day-to-day life. 

SEE

Likewise, what you see is going to have a big influence on your thoughts. If you witness something horrific (or watch it on the news), you’re going to be impacted by that image. If you see something outrageously wondrous, that image is likely to stay with you for awhile. You cannot control everything you see, but you do have the ability to make choices when it comes to a lot of what you look at (and surround yourself with). Pay attention to what you spend most of your time looking at and consider how it makes you feel. Do you feel uplifted? Informed? Interested? Bored? Overwhelmed? Knowing that what you look at influences your mental state can be the push you need to pay attention and look at what is positive and productive for you. 

DO

If you’ve never done something, it’s going to be pretty difficult to understand what it’s truly like. For example, I’ve never had a baby, and though I ask my friends and family members for all of the details, I’ll never fully understand what that experience is like (no matter how vivid the thoughts in my mind!) unless I do it for myself. Understanding this notion — that you cannot 100% understand until you do it — can be really helpful not only in interacting with those who have had experiences different from our own, but also when trying to share our experiences with others. Our thinking can, for better or worse, be limited. Sometimes this can be a good thing, but recognizing it can help to improve our interactions with others and help us assess what kinds of actions we want to experience first hand. What you do shapes you, so choose wisely. 

READ

Reading ties closely with seeing, but it’s worthy of its own category because it influences me so deeply. I read a lot of books. I always have and I hopefully always will! What I’ve read — whether it’s nonfiction, fiction, a newspaper, magazine article, back of a cereal box, etc. — has had a humungous impact on who I am as a person. Reading makes me more empathetic and open-minded. While I cannot fully understand the experiences of others (even if I’ve had them myself, since we are all so incredibly different), reading allows me to have a better understand of things I will never live through myself. Reading is, in my opinion, a gateway to open-mindedness. The more you read, the more you know, I believe Dr. Seuss once said. Personally, I avoid reading things that scare or upset me, but that’s my preference. Whatever you choose to read, it’s helping you to think differently and in new ways. (Did this just become a PSA for reading? Yes, yes it did. Go to the library!)

HEAR

Just as what you read and see contributes to how you think, so, too, does what you hear. Whether it’s news, YouTube videos, podcasts, music, the voice of a loved one — it doesn’t matter. It’s changing how you think about the world and about yourself. Which means it’s very important to select what you listen to with care. You don’t have to limit yourself (after all, the world is a really big place and there’s probably all kinds of cool things to listen to that we don’t even know about!), but pay attention. Every single word that you here influences you in some way. Some more than others, yes, but all of it matters. Take notice of what you listen to most and, most importantly, what you’re thinking about when you listen to it. 

FEEL

Feelings and thoughts are so closely intertwined that sometimes it’s hard to know the difference. A thought is typically complex, while a feeling can be narrowed down to one word. A thought: “I have so much work to do that I’ll never get it done.” A feeling: “Overwhelmed.” They’re certainly linked and one can impact the other, but often the gut instincts, those feelings that arrive without us even realizing it, influence our thoughts. For example, you often feel overwhelmed — a tenseness in the shoulders, a clenched jaw, a snippy attitude — before you can form the thought, “I am feeling overwhelmed right now.” Pay attention to the ways feelings and thoughts work together and look for the truth and root cause (Katie’s book referenced above can really help with this.) Feelings aren’t facts, but sometimes they can appear that way to our thinking minds, so it’s vital to recognize the role feelings play in your thoughts. 

KNOW 

The more you know, the easier it becomes to understand the world (and the notion that so little of it can be fully explained!). The Red Hot Chili Peppers have a song lyrics that goes, “The more I see, the less I know,” and it’s honestly one of my favorite lines ever because it’s oddly true. What you know matters (just consider how much more you understand as an adult compared to your childhood self) and that shapes who you are. What you don’t know also shapes who you are. So many of the worlds biases and prejudices are based on what’s not known. Knowledge is power, sure, but the most powerful knowledge you can have is recognizing how little you know and how your small amount of knowledge transforms the way you think. 

WANT

And, finally, what you want (and value) has an incredible power over how you think. If money and success is important to you, those things will be the focus of your thoughts. If you family is your focus, your thoughts will prioritize them. If desperately want a relationship, finding a partner will always be on your mind. If you desire to make a positive change in the world, your thoughts will home in on how you can do that. What you want guides the choices you make. No one thing is better than the other to want (no judgments here!), but taking note of what you want (or think you want) can be an essential element of understanding your thinking and how it shapes the way you’re living. 

Another list featuring things to do during stay-at-home time? I don’t blame you if you’re rolling your eyes. But, after doing some research, I’ve found that a lot of these curated lists rely heavily on two things: having someone else in your home with you and having the money to purchase all kinds of stuff to keep you entertained. Having neither a companion nor discretionary funds, I thought I’d come up with my own list of things that (most) people can do if they’re solo and unable to shell out money for online classes, gardening tools, or baking supplies. 

I’ve tried my best to get creative here and come up with ideas that you won’t find elsewhere — no “watch a classic movie on Netflix” or “learn a new language!” on this list — and I’ve also done my best to avoid ideas that fall under the “productive” category. While decluttering closets or going through old photos might work for some people at a time like this, it’s important to keep in mind that we’re going through collective trauma right now and, for a lot of people, seeing recommendations to “tackle that to-do list!” might lead to feelings of frustration and worthlessness. 

Most of these activities can be done alone (or by reaching out to others virtually) and most of them require no special tools or items. I hope they give you a bit of inspiration for how to stay entertained (or at least mildly distracted…) during such a difficult time. 

1. WATCH BARDOT BRUSH CLASSES. Lisa Bardot has been hosting live drawing classes on her YouTube channel three times a week and they are amazing. If you enjoy drawing, she has wonderful prompts you can use to draw along with her, or, if you just like watching someone create, it’s fun to tune in and watch her draw! (Get her brushes here.)
2. FIND AND PRINT FREE COLORING PAGES. Lots of creatives are offering free coloring pages, worksheets, and other activities that you can download and print out. (I even have some coloring pages for you!) This idea might not work for everyone (if you don’t have a printer or paper), but there are also online coloring apps you can download. 
3. TEACH YOUR PET A NEW TRICK. I haven’t tried this one out yet, but if you have a pet (who’s probably also going a bit crazy from this quarantine), now is a good time to teach him or her a new trick. There are tons of videos and tutorials online to help you come up with fun ideas. (And even if it doesn’t work, it’s fun to have a little pet time.)
4. MAKE YOURSELF A SELF-CARE CARD DECK. I created a series on TikTok called “The ABCs of Self-Care,” and I ended up compiling all of the artwork into a digital download. You can access it here and print it out to create a cute little card deck. If you don’t have the ability to print, you can still download it and pick one activity to try each day. 
5. TAKE UP BIRD WATCHING. Alright, I know this one isn’t going to be for everyone, but if you’re stuck inside and there are birds outside your window, why not learn a little bit about them? And if you don’t have any birds to watch, there are some amazing cameras online. Here’s one featuring bald eagles that I love to check in on! 
6. HOST A HOUSEPARTY WITH FRIENDS. I’m sure you’ve heard of people (or maybe you’ve been) using the Houseparty app. It’s a fun way to connect with people virtually in a party atmosphere. Probably not the most fun idea for introverts like myself, but it’s worth checking out (especially if you’re an extrovert missing socializing!).
7. DOWNLOAD TIKTOK. Anyone who knows me knows I love TikTok. I downloaded it late last year and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. I know a lot of people think they’re too old or it’s just for dancing, but trust me: you’re not and it’s not. Anything you’re interested in, you can find on there, and it’s so much fun! 
8. MAKE A CARD OR GIFT FOR SOMEONE. If you have any sort of art supply lying around the house (markers, paper, a pen), you have all you need to make something for someone you love. Even if you don’t think you’re creative, give it a try. Sending snail mail is a great way to brighten someone else’s day. 
9. PLAN A TRIP FOR THE FUTURE. For those who enjoy traveling, plan your next trip. You don’t have to make reservations or anything, but just take some time to consider where you want to go and research what there is to do there so you have something to look forward to. (Even if you can’t afford it now, it doesn’t hurt to explore ideas!)
10. GIVE YOURSELF A SPA DAY. If you can, give yourself a mani/pedi. If that’s not an option, take a bath, or even just a nice, relaxing shower, massaging your scalp as if you’re in a haircutter’s chair. Research how to make face masks with things you might have at home. There are lots of spa-like things you can do without having any special tools or skills!
11. LIST THINGS YOU WANT TO DO LATER. There’s a lot that we can’t do right now, which makes it the perfect time to reflect on the things you love doing and make a list of what you’ll do when you can. Write down places you want to go, people you want to see, etc. (If you have the funds, you can buy gift cards from local businesses to help them out!)
12. CURATE A SPOTIFY PLAYLIST. Music always helps me in times of trouble (which is why I’m made playlists for almost any emotional situation possible), and maybe it will help you, too! Make a playlist of songs you relate to right now, of songs that lift your spirits, or of songs that you’ve always loved. 
13. ENTERTAIN YOURSELF WITH A GAME. There are tons of game apps online that you can check out, and many of them are free. Consider games you enjoyed playing as a kid and see if there are any digital versions available. Personally, I love word games (no surprise there!), but I know there are games for all kinds of interests! 
14. PLAY SOLITAIRE. Speaking of games, I’ve been playing some solitaire lately, and it’s actually a lot of fun. If you have a deck of cards, you can play old school style, but there is also a version right in Google that everyone can access. I know it might sound kinda lame, but give it a try! You might enjoy it! 
15. WRITE THE SILLIEST POEM POSSIBLE. Not a poet? No problem. This idea is all about creating the silliest poem possible (think: Dr. Seuss). Write about how you’re feeling now. Write about something you miss. Write about what you see outside your window. Just write something silly! 
16. LEARN NEW WORDS. Now, I’ve seen “learn a new language” on a lot of these lists, but that seems like a lot of work and mental effort, which isn’t always easy if you’re struggling. But learning new words is much simpler, and, if you’re a word nerd like me, is a lot of fun. Merriam-Webster has words of the day and lots more word-related content!
    
17. TAKE PHOTOS OF YOUR DAILY LIFE. This might sound lame, but it could actually be really fun if you give it a try. You don’t have to find something spectacular to photograph; just try to find mundane things around you and see if you can make them feel a little bit more spectacular. (Play around with free editing apps, too!)
18. CREATE A JOY JAR. Years ago, I made a happiness jar, and I recently decided to recreate it as a “joy jar.” I fill it with notes of little joyful things I experience throughout the day. It’s a nice way to remind yourself that, even when things are bad, there are little bits of goodness still around us. 
19. EXPLORE PLACES, MUSEUMS, AND ART GALLERIES. Travel & Leisure has rounded up a ton of places you can check out virtually, which is amazing! There are so many places to check out. I was going to pull a few of my favorites, but there are just too many to even choose. Check it out and explore from the comfort of your couch. 
20. FIND NEW YOUTUBERS TO FOLLOW. If you’re a YouTube fan like myself, you might find yourself sticking with the same creators you know and love, but there are always tons of new, up-and-coming creators, and now might be a good time to check them out. (One I’m loving right now is Jonna Jinton!)
21. READ OLD POSITIVELY PRESENT BLOG POSTS. I’ve been doing this for well over a decade, so there’s bound to be a lot you haven’t read. If you go to “Categories,” you can see all of the different topics — everything from self-love to creativity to relationships and more! Pick something you want to work on, and do a little reading. 
22. TAKE A FREE ONLINE COURSE (AT HARVARD!). Business Insider created a list of universities and organizations offering free online courses right now. Look through the list and find something that’s always interested you (not something for work or “productivity” purposes!), and check it out. And if it doesn’t hold your interest, no problem — try another one! 
23. SET UP A PICNIC IN YOUR LIVING ROOM. Again, this one might be a bit more enjoyable if you have someone to picnic with, but there’s no rule that says you need more than one person to have fun at a picnic! (Plus, you can always FaceTime or Zoom with friends and have a virtual picnic.) Or, if you have a yard, take it outside and get some sun!
24. PRACTICE YOGA WITH ADRIENE. I know “try yoga!” seems like one of those things you’d find a on “productive quarantine” list, but, really, it can be a lot of fun. And it can help you relax a lot, which is something a lot of us probably need right now. She has videos for almost every situation, so search her channel and find what you need! 
25. HAVE A DANCE PARTY. I feel like this comes up a lot when I’m thinking of things to do, and it’s probably because it’s something I do almost daily. When I’m winding down my work day, I like to put on some dance-inducing jams (usually whatever’s currently trending on TikTok) and get wild. (Bonus points: record your animal watching you dance and entertain yourself after!)
26. DESIGN A BOARD OR CARD GAME. When I was a kid, we were given an assignment to design a board game (the only reason I remember what a biome is, tbh!) and it was pretty fun. There are inventive games coming out all the time (especially card games!), and why shouldn’t you get in on the fun? If you need a head start, take a game you love and try to make it more “you.”
27. FIND 5 GREEN THINGS. Whenever I want to be more mindful, I give myself a “looking challenge.” (Example: last summer I was sitting outside and started noticing just how many shades of green where around me. I counted at least 30! In one small spot!) It doesn’t have to be green things (or 5!), but restrict yourself to focusing on a single color/shape/etc. and see what you see! 
    
28. GIVE LUCID DREAMING A TRY. When I think of lucid dreaming, I immediately think Vanilla Sky, a film in which I first came in contact with the term. I’ve (unsuccessfully and half-assedly) tried it a few times with no luck, but it’s always intrigued me. If it sounds a bit much for you, consider keeping a dream journal and looking up dream meanings!
29. DRIVE TO A REMOTE (SAFE!) PLACE AND WALK. I’m all about staying inside (both now and in general), but I know there’s a lot to be said for sunlight and nature. If you’re able to safely drive somewhere new (away from people!), now might be a good time to do a little exploring. Just be careful. Wash your hands. Wear a mask. Don’t talk to strangers. 
30. MAKE TOP 10 LISTS. You know how people will ask you what your favorite book, film, or song is, and suddenly you can’t remember anything you’ve read, seen, or heard? Now’s the time to put an end to that nonsense! Make top ten lists of all your favorite things. Some ideas: animals, food, words, scent, Will Ferrell films, names for cats, etc. 
31. GOOGLE SOMETHING YOU’VE WONDERED. As someone who looks at (and draws) the sky a lot, I always find myself having questions about it. My most recent Google search was, “Is the sky more green in summer?” (Answer: yes, it is!) If there’s something you’ve always wondered, look it up! Let yourself dive into the Google abyss. 
32. SKETCH WHAT YOU SEE OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW. It was tough not to fill this list with creative things, but since I know that’s not for everyone, I tried to control myself. But, seriously, drawing is therapeutic. There’s a reason art therapy exists. You don’t have to be good. You don’t have to be perfect. Just give it a try! 
33. MAKE A PILLOW FORT. This is, admittedly, probably more fun if you have someone to do it with, but it could still be fun and nostalgic to do on your own. A fort of pillows and blankets has a cozy-yet-exciting feel to it, which seems like something we could all use right now. (If you’ve got fairy lights lying around, add those for extra cozy vibes!)
34. START A BLOG. Sure, it’s not 2009 anymore, but who cares? Let’s bring back blogs! You can create a blog on a topic that interests you, something you want to become better at doing (that’s how I started Positively Present), or even just an old-school diary style account of what you’re going through right now. 
35. ASK A FRIEND FOR A BOREDOM BUSTER. DO IT. Obviously everyone copes with boredom differently, so if you’re struggling to find an activity that engages or distracts you, ask other people what they do. Text a friend, put a poll up on you IG story, or email the fifth person in your Contacts. Who knows what ideas they might have!? 
36. CREATE A COLLAGE. OR VISION BOARD. Credit to my mom for coming up with this idea! I love making collages (they were my specialty, along with mix tapes, back in high school), and there’s a good chance you have some old magazines or catalogs you can cut up. If you’re feeling ambitious, create a vision board of post-covid19 goals!
37. GO ON A FACETIME WALK WITH A FRIEND. As I mentioned, I’m being pretty strict about staying inside, but if you have a space where you can safely walk without encountering people, invite a friend to go on a walk with you on FaceTime. Or, if you have a friend that lives in a cool locale, ask them to take you on a walk! (As long as it’s safe for them!)
38. BE WEIRD. This is very vague, but just do something you never do in your house. Lay on the floor with your feet up on the wall. Sit on the kitchen counter. Do jump jacks in the bathroom. Skip down the hallway. I don’t know what’s out of the ordinary for you, but just try something you’ve never tried before. See how it feels! 
39. GET INTO PINTEREST. This is pretty specific, but I’ve recently rediscovered the joy of Pinterest. It’s a great way to look at beautiful things (places, homes, food, quotes, art), and it can be a nice escape if you want to do some scrolling but need a break from news-heavy social media sites. Curate some boards or just scroll through mine! 
40. SEEK OUT NEW, UPLIFTING ACCOUNTS TO FOLLOW. Now, more than ever, we need to make sure that what we’re consuming is helping (or at least not hurting) our mental health. Check out your social media feeds and see if you might need to incorporate some new, uplifting accounts. (Need some ideas? Find your favorite accounts and see who those creators are following!)

I know a lot of these ideas are silly, and it’s not always easy to be lighthearted in times like these, but I hope some of them inspire you to do something new or escape into something fun for a little bit. If you have any additional ideas, feel free to leave them in the comments below! 

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about content consumption — what we consume, how we consume it, and why we do. As someone who spends a ton of time creating, sharing, and consuming content, I try not to be judgmental about content consumption but, instead, try to be curious about it.

Because what we consume creates who we are, it’s so important to be aware of what we’re consuming. Paying attention to content consumed might sound like obvious advice in this digital age, but many of us (myself included!) tend to consume whatever is given to us, without really considering if it is beneficial.

To get to the heart of my own content consumption, I created a list of questions and I thought I’d share them with you in case you, too, want to take a closer look at what, how, and why you’re consuming content. As you answer them, try your best not to judge your habits. There is no “right” way to consume content, and we are all products of the culture in which we live, so try to think of these less as test questions and more as self-awareness inquiries.

Questions to Consider

1. What types of content do you consume most often? 
2. What is your preferred format for consuming content (video, written, etc.)? Why do you prefer that format? 
3. How does what you’re consuming typically make you feel? What content makes you feel at ease? What content makes you feel stressed?
4. Do you pay attention to what’s happening in your body when you consume content? (If not, try it! It can tell you a lot about how the content is making you feel!)
5. Do you ever stop consuming if the content makes you feel bad or bored?
6. How often do you actively choose content (rather than having it chosen for you by an algorithm)?
7. Do you ever generate your own content? If not, do you wish you did?
8. How much time do you spend consuming content per day? (Remember: no judgment!)
9. What usually causes you to seek out content? (Are you seeking information? Are you trying to keep up-to-date? Are you looking to be entertained? Are you doing it out of habit?)
10. How frequently do you explore different types/formats of content? (For example, how often do you follow new creators or look for news at a new outlet?)
11. Do you ever consume the same content repeatedly (rewatch shows, reread books, etc.)? 
12. How diverse — both in content and format — is what you consume? Do you seek news from a variety of sources? Do you follow a diverse selection of content creators?
13. How frequently does what you consume apply directly to (or serve a purpose in) your life? 
14. Do you often share content (with those you know or with others online)?
15. How do you feel after answering these questions? Is there anything you would like to change about the way you consume content?

Consuming content is part of life — it’s always been done and always will be — but now we have access to so much, which means it’s up to us to be selective about what we consume. I plan to come back and check in with these questions periodically to remind myself that, though it might not always feel like it, for the most part I’m in control of how, what, and when I consume content. It’s an act of self-love to check in with myself and make sure that the content I’m consuming is the content I want to be consuming.

Recently I’ve been working on a (very exciting!) presentation on open-mindedness, and it occurred to me that it’s been awhile since I’ve written about it here. (Though 7 Benefits of Being Open-Minded is still one of my most popular posts!) To me, this is one of the most important topics in our culture right now (so much so that I’m even thinking of writing a book about it!), so I’ll probably be sharing a lot of that here, but first, let’s start out with what it means to be open-minded.

The dictionary defines “open-minded” as “willing to consider new ideas; unprejudiced,” but to me it’s so much more than that. Open-mindedness is like positivity: it requires self-knowledge, patience, and, depending on your culture and temperament, lots and lots of practice. It’s much more complex that just being open to new ideas. Here are the six traits I consider essential for open-mindedness. 

OPEN-MINDED PEOPLE… 

1. Consider different perspectives + beliefs
   Those with open minds are open to considering different points of view, perspectives, beliefs, ideas, etc. This might seem incredibly obvious, but it’s trickier than you might think. Consider, for a moment, something you believe strongly in (a religion, the rights of a certain group of people, someone you love) and then think about the last time you openly thought about a different perspective. It’s easier to do when encountering a new idea, but it’s something truly open-minded people do even when it comes to deeply held beliefs.  
   
2. Recognize + fight against desires for generality + closure
   As humans, we have strong desires to label things clearly so we can understand them. We want to put things into neat little boxes so that we can identify them. Likewise, we have a desire to get answers that are clear and final. We love closure. Those with open minds recognize that concepts like generalization and closure are alluring, but they aren’t always useful. Open-minded people see these built in human desires and fight against them to seek truth rather than answers.  
   
3. Accept + embrace the concept of ambivalence
   The concept of ambivalence, or having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone, isn’t always an easy one for people to grasp. As stated in #2, we want answers and clarity. We want to know that there is a conclusion or at least an explanation. Open-minded people realize that this isn’t always the case, that there are often many situations in which feelings will be mixed, in which they might hold two contradicting ideas about something. Rather than resist this, open-minded people accept it and strive to embrace it. 
   
4. Understand thoughts are warped + distorted
   All the thoughts we think are distorted in some way. We are influenced not only by our moods, cultures, stress-levels, surroundings, etc., but we’re also limited by what we can humanly observe with our five senses. Open-minded people seek to recognize the ways in which their own thoughts (or the thoughts of others) might be warped, and factor those distortions into account when making decisions, taking action, or aligning themselves with a belief. 
   
5. View open-mindedness as a skill requiring practice
   Open-minded people recognize that open-mindedness, like any worthwhile skill, requires practice. It’s something that comes more easily to some (depending on how they were raised, what culture they come from, what kind of personality they have, etc.), but regardless of what skill level they started with, open-minded people know that they need to keep practicing to keep their open-mindedness ability sharp.  
   
6. Create opportunities to rethink assumptions
   Finally, and perhaps most importantly, those with open minds give themselves opportunities to rethink assumptions and consider new perspectives. They recognize the limitations of their own minds and cultures, and they actively seek out sources that will help them explore new ways of thinking. They know that what they believed at one point might not still be true today, so they work to rethink about assumptions. In a world that makes it easy to surround yourself with what’s familiar, open-minded people create opportunities for themselves to learn new ways of thinking and explore a variety of points of view. 

Staying open-minded is a skill, and a particularly challenging one to cultivate in an age when we’re all being fed information, advertisements, articles, etc. that align with what we’ve already said we like. We’re all in individual bubbles, tailored just for us, which is why we have to work even harder to keep our minds (and hearts!) open. 

If you consider yourself an open-minded person, what would you add to this list? If you struggle to keep an open mind, what would you like to learn more about to enhance that skill? Also, if you have any great stories about being (or struggling to be) open-minded, I’d love to hear them in the comments below! 

It’s normal for us to want to categorizing things, to label them so we might make sense of them, but as soon as we start identifying something — as good, bad, or any other descriptor — we’re limiting our understanding of the thing. (Yes, there are quite a few things that are easily and unequivocally defined, but the list of such things is likely shorter than you’d think.) Attempts to label or categorize are attempts to understand, to provide clarity for ourselves in a world that often doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. But, unfortunately, these sense-striving attempts often take people away from common sense, leading them down an all-or-nothing path that ultimately limits understanding. 

If we truly want to understand someone or something, we’re going to have to make some effort because, like it or not, our minds just want it to be easy. Our minds want quick and easy answers and, tempting as those might be, they’re not truth. Some, admittedly, would rather have a false sense of understanding than truth, but, since you’re reading this, I assume you’re trying your best to have an honest understanding of the world (or, at least as honest as our little human brains can make it, given our many mental and emotional limitations). So if you really want to do your best to avoid all-or-nothing thinking, to resist the temptation to label something black or white rather than looking for the shades of gray, here are some ways to combat that natural urge to take something and paint it a single color: 

• Open your mind to new ideas. Keeping an open mind seems like an obvious first step, but it’s not always (in fact, it’s rarely) our default mode, particularly as we get older and have experience and feel as if we know what something might be like. Not only should you strive to keep your mind open to ideas when discussing a specific topic, but it’s also important to try keeping an open mind generally, as it’ll help you hone your open-mindedness skills. When you strive to remain open-minded, you’re likely to perceive a situation as it is rather than how you think it should be. Of course, we’re all doing the best we can and we’re limited by what we already know, but the more you practice seeing the world from different perspectives, trying to put yourself in others’ shoes, and attempting to be mindful of the world around you, the easier it will become to keep an open mind. 

• Let go of your expectations. Expectations are one of the main reasons all-or-nothing thinking happens. We think something “should” be a certain way, so we’re either eager to accept the situation as normal when it happens as expected or we’re quickly disappointed when the situation doesn’t meet expectations. Letting go of expectations is one of the keys to ridding your mind of black-or-white thinking. Expectations — those little “should” and “should nots” in your mind — often force you to think in all-or-nothing. They set you up for mistakes, for assigning meaning where there might be none, for making judgments without truth or wisdom. Releasing expectations (particularly related to experiences you’ve had many times before) is a challenge, but it’s a vital aspect of quelling black-or-white notions. 

• Look for the myriad of colors. It’s tempting to fall victim to seeing things in black or white, which is why we must practice being vigilant in looking for the various hues and shades of every person, situation, or idea we encounter. It’s important to constantly remind yourself that there many different ways of looking at whatever situation you’re in. One way to keep this in mind is by practicing with an everyday object. Take, for example, the sky. Try looking at it from different points of view — sitting on the ground, standing, atop a roof, from your car window. It’s all the same sky and, while it’s likely to look relatively the same regardless of where you are, there are differences you’ll notice based on where you are. Likewise, try looking at the colors of a cloud. At first glance, it will look white, but if you look closely, you’ll see shades of gray and pink and yellow. Try to remind yourself of the sky and the cloud when you encounter something you feel all-or-nothing about. Consider your perspective. Consider looking more closely. 

• Try to see things as they are. Much as we might hate to admit it, most of us tend to see things the way we want to see them rather than the way they actually are. This distorted thinking causes us to see the “black” or “white” in a situation not because it is clearly one color, but because we want it to be that way. After all, it’s much easier to understand “black” than it is to understand “dark gray with a hint of blue that looks somewhat purple in the right light.” So we try to make it easy on ourselves. That’s fine for certain things in which a quick decision is necessary — like determining if a stove is too hot to touch — but when it comes to understanding complex topics, such snap judgments won’t benefit us in the long run if we’re seeking truth. You’re much more likely to avoid extreme thinking if you do your best to look at how things are rather than how you’d like them to be. Objectivity is a skill and it’s not an easy one to master, but the more you practice, the better you’ll become at seeing something’s true colors. 

• Avoid labeling with a single word. When you think of something in terms of one word, you’re limiting it immediately. Think about it like this: if someone asks how your day is, you usually respond with words like “Good!” or “Terrible,” but neither of those words are likely to accurately describe the entire day. Even the worst days have decent moments and even the best days have their struggles. Recognizing that everyday is more than “good” or “bad” is a great way to start realizing that situations, just like days, are nearly always more complex than a single descriptive phrase. Do your best to start describing things, like your day, in detail, and you’ll be practicing the act of avoiding one-word labels that hinder open-minded thinking. 

Healing from a situationship can be harder than recovering from a breakup, and it’s not talked about enough. Taylor Swift’s recent album, The Tortured Poets Department, is filled with situationship-related themes, and it’s inspired me to really think about how painful they can be.

It might not be a “real” relationship, but the people in it are real. The feelings are real. 

First, let’s define what a situationship is. A situationship is an undefined romantic relationship in which two people act like in a couple in some ways, but there’s no official commitment. One or both don’t know where the relationship stands at any given time because there are no formal expectations, boundaries, or consistency.

This lack of clarity makes situationships — and their endings — confusing and painful. You might never get clarity from the end of a situationship, but here are answers to a few questions you might have about why situationships are so painful: 

• Why does it hurt so much? In a situationship, there’s more hope than there is in other relationships, and the loss of hope is horrible. After all, the opposite of hope is despair. 

• Why does it feel worse than other breakups? The dynamics of a situationship — anxiety, uncertainty, hope — can increase emotional distress, lower self-esteem, and cause isolation, making the ending more agonizing. 

• Was any of it real? The illusion of a future (however unlikely it might have been) is shattered when a situationship ends. This also puts cracks into the past, causing you to question the validity of everything that happened. This can be heartbreaking. 

• Why did I do this to myself? It’s hard not to feel ashamed and angry at yourself for tolerating what you did. It feels as if you’re dealing with the consequences of your own poor choices, which adds to the pain of the situationship’s ending. 

• Is it really over? The unpredictability was part of the situationship’s appeal, and this is what makes it so hard to end. Can something end if it never officially began? Of course it can, but it’s harder to comprehend. And sometimes it hurts more.

• Why do I feel so alone? Because a situationship is harder to talk about, both while it’s happening and when it ends, you might not get the same comfort from those around you when it ends. They might not understand or you might even tell them about what you’re going through.

• How can I have closure? The lack of clarity that exists throughout a situationship means you probable won’t get closure, at least not in the way you might with other relationships. This can make it harder to move on because you will have to create your own closure. 

• Why am I having a hard time moving on? Being in a situationship can feel like taking illicit drugs. There’s longing and intermitted highs; there’s knowing you should stop and the pain of hope. The loss triggers withdrawal in a way that other relationships do not.

Strange as it might seem, getting over a situationship is often more painful than recovering from a breakup. It seems as though it shouldn’t be — after all, things weren’t clearly defined, and the possibility of an ending always lingered  in the air — yet it still hurts more. 

But it will be okay. You might never have answers. You might never have closure. But you can still heal. You can and will get past this. In the meantime, here are some Taylor Swift songs from The Tortured Poets Department that you might want to listen to based on your specific situation:

If you thought it would work out somehow, listen to “loml.”

If you’re just ending it and the pain is fresh, listen to “Down Bad.”

If you’re furious and want answers, listen to “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived.”

If you don’t understand why it ended, listen to “How Did It End?”

If no one knows how heartbroken you are, listen to “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart.”

If you sure you’ll always wonder why, listen to “Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus.”

If you thought you could change them, listen to “I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can).”

If you wish you could see them one more time, listen to “I Look in People’s Windows.”

If you’re hurting but you’re healing, listen to “The Manuscript.”

If you wish it wasn’t over, listen to “The Prophecy.”

If you were involved with someone who wouldn’t grow up, listen to “Peter.” 

If you still can’t believe they don’t miss you, listen to “The Black Dog.”

If an old situationship is impacting your current relationship, listen to “Fortnight” and “Guilty As Sin.”

If you’re living in delusion that they love you listen to ” My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.”

If you’re free but moving on to a new situation, listen to “Fresh Out the Slammer.”

You might also enjoy reading Taylor’s poem, “In Summation,” here:

At this hearing
I stand before my fellow members
of the Tortured Poets Department
With a summary of my findings
A debrief, a detailed rewinding
For the purpose of warning
For the sake of reminding
As you might all unfortunately recall
I had been struck with a case
of a restricted humanity
Which explains my plea here today
of temporary insanity
You see, the pendulum swings
Oh, the chaos it brings
Leads the caged beast to do
the most curious things
Lovers spend years denying what’s ill fated
Resentment rotting away
galaxies we created
Stars placed and glued
meticulously by hand
next to the ceiling fan
Tried wishing on comets.
Tried dimming the shine.
Tried to orbit his planet.
Some stars never align.
And in one conversation, I tore down the whole sky
Spring sprung forth with dazzling freedom hues
Then a crash from the skylight
Bursting through
Something old, someone hallowed,
who told me he could be brand new
And so I was out of the oven
And into the microwave
Out of the slammer and into a tidal wave
How gallant to save the empress
from her gilded tower
Swinging a sword he could barely lift
But loneliness struck at that fateful hour
Low hanging fruit on his wine stained lips
He never even scratched the surface
of me.
None of them did.
“In summation, it was not a love affair!”
I screamed while bringing my fists
to my coffee ringed desk
It was a mutual manic phase.
It was self harm.
It was house and then cardiac arrest.
A smirk creeps onto this poet’s face
Because it’s the worst men that I write best.
And so I enter into evidence
My tarnished coat of arms
My muses, acquired like bruises
My talismans and charms
The tick, tick, tick of love bombs
My veins of pitch black ink
All’s fair in love and poetry
Sincerely,
The Chairman
of The Tortured Poets Department

Materialism exists because we get excited about something, want to own it, get it, grow used to it (or even feel let down by it immediately after acquiring it), and then strive again for the “wanting” high by identifying a new thing to covet. The cycle can be endless, and even if you’re aware of it, it can be tough to break because wanting something (and striving to make it yours) just feels so darn good sometimes. 

The problem is we often don’t pay attention to where in that cycle of want-get-have-want that we actually feel good. Yes, getting a thing you’ve longed for can feel good to obtain momentarily, but frequently it doesn’t feel as good as the actual desiring of it did. And we often (if not always!) return to our previous mental state after we’ve gotten used to possessing whatever it is we once wanted (see: hedonic treadmill).

Often this happens because the way we think about something we want is different from how we feel about it when we own it. Just think about the last time you got a new phone. The anticipation of it, with it’s fresh screen and new features, was thrilling. And the first few days with it might have been exciting, too. But now, even if you use and enjoy it a lot, it’s likely just something you own. 

The notion that more stuff won’t bring you more happiness isn’t anything new (and the rise in the minimalism trend keeps bringing it to the forefront in popular culture). Most of us know this (and some of us even put that idea into to practice by resisting the temptation to buy more and more things in pursuit of that short-lived high!), but we often don’t focus on how this wanting vs. having idea applies to non-tangible things we’re in pursuit of, things like love, status, wealth, success, etc. 

If you’re in pursuit of anything at all, whether it be personal or professional, tangible or intangible, you, too, must face the fact that sometimes (and, in fact, often), the wanting of something is more enjoyable than the possession of it. Even if we experience this again and again — we find a great love, we get the job we desperately wanted, we achieve the goal we’ve worked on for years and yet still feel the need to desire something new or better or more important — it’s hard not to keep pursuing more and more. 

The problem is, if we’re always chasing after the next thing, we’re rarely (if ever) content with where we are now, which makes it pretty difficult to live positively in the present. But how are we to counteract the desire for desire when it’s built into our societies, when we’re expected to constantly be seeking? Here are few ways we can embrace the ever-present desire to want what we don’t yet have.

FOCUS ON EXPERIENCE, NOT POSSESSION

You’ve certainly heard this before: buy experiences, not things. But this concept need not apply only to material goods. It also applies to the intangible desires so many of us have. Experiencing something, whatever it might be, is often much more valuable than possessing it is. For example, rather than focusing the possession of a person (labeling a new romance, needing reassurance that a partner is “yours,” or feeling an ownership over your offspring), what if we focused more on the experiences we have with that individual? Doing so will actually strengthen our bonds or, in some cases, help us to realize that perhaps that isn’t a person with whom we want to be closely bonded. Or, let’s consider the pursuit of greater career opportunity. What if we focused on the experience of working toward it and valued that more than the actual achievement of a new title? Or, once a new title has been granted, what if we spent more time valuing the experience of a new, higher position rather than considering how we might use it to pursue even more status or wealth? Choosing to focus on experiences rather than possessions (tangible or otherwise) is likely to lead to more contentment. 

LET GO OF WHAT YOU DON’T GET

It can be hard to realize sometimes when you’re in a state of wanting, but the thing you want comes with baggage you cannot understand until you possess it. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.” (Or, in the words of The Notorious B.I.G., “mo money, mo problems.”) Whatever it is you want is going to come with a set of issues that you can’t anticipate now. You don’t know what you don’t know, and sometimes you’re often better off not acquiring the things you think you want. I know the “everything happens for a reason” idea is cliche, but I believe in it. You can’t foresee what will happen in the future, and I’ve found that not getting what I want has been a blessing in many cases (and getting what I want has rarely lived up to its hype). If you don’t get it, it means it’s not meant for you. (Or it’s not meant for you right now. Things meant for you have a way of coming when you need them, not necessarily when you want them.)

APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DO HAVE

If you’re familiar with Positively Present, it’s going to be no surprise to see gratitude  — probably one of the most used bits of advice here — in this round-up of tips, but making an effort to recognize and appreciate what you do have (particularly what you once longed for and then obtained) is one of the best ways to counteract the challenging notion of always wanting something else. Things only bring us joy when we’re aware of them, which is why we take so much pleasure from wanting. When we want something, we’re hyper-focused on it, sometimes consumed by thoughts what life will be like if we have it. Once we’ve had it for awhile, we don’t often spend as much time thinking about it. When you find yourself thinking, “I want…” consider challenging it with the thought, “I have…” 

SEEK OUT THE ROOT OF THE WANTING

How much of what you want is what you actually want and how much is someone else’s idea of what you should want? It’s hard to know for sure — after all, we’re all products of the cultures and environments in which we are raised and it can be hard to separate our true desires from what we’ve been taught — but the more you pay attention to the real reasons for what you want, the more you dig down into the roots of that desire, the more likely you are to realize that what you want is actually based on what you think you’re supposed to want. Looking at why you desire what you do (and, just as importantly, what you think will happen if you obtain that thing) will often help you realize that your wants are often rooted in foundations not put in place by you. 

VALUE CONTENTMENT OVER HAPPINESS

“The pursuit of happiness” is part of the US Declaration of Independence and, as result, many people here and around the world have come to associate the pursuit of happiness with living life to the fullest. Happiness has been held up as the ultimate goal, something all people should be striving for in whatever way feels right for them. We’ve come to understand that, while happiness doesn’t look the same for everyone, everyone wants to be happy. But, as I’ve discussed many times before, happiness is a fleeting emotion. It’s wonderful, but it doesn’t last. Making it your life’s goal is setting yourself up for constant disappointment (which often leads to pursuit of the next thing that you think will make you happy). The pursuit of happiness is great for capitalism, but not so great for contentment. Instead of focusing being happy, try striving for contentment. Aim to make the most of what’s happening now, to accept what’s been and look forward to what will be without setting expectations. 

When you’re in a state of wanting, it can be difficult to realize this, but it’s true: whatever you think you need to be happy — money, fame, love, acceptance, beauty, attention, success, diamonds, children, a house, etc. — won’t actually make you happier than you are now, at least not for very long. Realizing this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep pursuing what you want (for what is life if not pursuit?); it only means that you should stop expecting that the having will be greater than the wanting. It means understanding that, even though it seems strange, wanting something can be fulfilling in itself, and not getting what you want doesn’t have to mean failure. And, most importantly, it means that, cheesy as it may sound, you’ll be able to realize that it is, in fact, a journey towards something has just as much value (if not more!) than the thing itself. 

Welcome to the 12th Annual Positively Present Gratitude Challenge! There’s always something special about celebrating gratitude in the month of November, and this year’s challenge has an extra special twist. I’ve chosen a page from my new journal and coloring book, Out of Your Mind, to correspond with each prompt. If you have the journal, you can color in (or just reflect on) those pages each day of the month!

If you’re new to this Challenge, below are some details (as well as info on each prompt!).

THE CHALLENGE DETAILS

“Challenge” is just a word.

The goal of the Challenge is to focus on (and share if you want!) something (a photo, illustration, quote, etc.) every day, using the prompts to help you feel more appreciative. Feel free to get creative, make up your own prompts, etc.  Gratitude is what it’s all about — no need to be a professional photographer or artist, or to even keep up every single day!

Join in at any time.

The point of the Challenge is to focus on staying thankful for thirty days. You can start the challenge on November 1 and do it for the whole month, or you can start the challenge any day that works for you and follow along at your own pace. I see people discovering and partaking in the Challenge all year so don’t feel limited to the 30 days of November!

Use the hashtag #Gratitude30.

Sharing your pics on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc.? If you tag them with #Gratitude30, others can see them. If you click on the hashtag, you’ll be able to see how others interpret and share the prompts every day. Plus, because this has been used for over a decade, there’s tons of inspiration to explore!

THE 2022 PROMPTS…

DAY 1: COMFORT

Out of Your Mind page: Anxiety-Fighting Activities

Focus your gratitude today on the things that comfort you — especially the things that get you through difficult or anxious times.

DAY 2: NATURE

Out of Your Mind page: Garden of Growth

There are so many wonderful, beautiful aspects of nature, and today’s prompt urges you to find and focus on some of your favorites.

DAY 3: WISDOM

Out of Your Mind page: Words of Wisdom

Wisdom comes with age and experience. Today, focus on the wisdom you’ve acquired throughout your life (and the wisdom others have shared with you).

DAY 4: LOVE

Out of Your Mind page: Note to Self

Love makes the world go ’round. Focus on the things you love about life, as well as the people who make life worth loving. And show yourself some love, too!

DAY 5: CREATIVITY

Out of Your Mind page: Tinted Thoughts

A world without creativity would be a dull place indeed. Today, celebrate the creativity within yourself as well as the creative inspiration you see in others.

DAY 6: WEATHER

Out of Your Mind page: Thought Weather

Today’s a good day to reflect on the wonders of weather. Take time to be grateful for your favorite kind of weather — and to appreciate the beauty of the way weather can change.

DAY 7: ADVENTURE

Out of Your Mind page: Pick a Place

Whether or not your an adventurous type, today’s the day to focus on the joy of exploration. If possible, try to go somewhere new and see how it feels to experience a fresh perspective.

DAY 8: WORDS

Out of Your Mind page: Word Nerd

Obviously I’m a lover of words, and I bet you are too. Spend time thinking about how words shape your world and how lucky we are to have them as a way to communicate.

DAY 9: CONNECTION

Out of Your Mind page: Be Your Own Best Friend

Connect to those you love — or to yourself! — with today’s prompt in mind. Connection, whether it’s interactions with strangers or the comfort of an old friend, is something we’re lucky to have.

DAY 10: WONDER

Out of Your Mind page: Magical Musings

What do you wonder about? Today’s the day to embrace the concept of wonder and how it’s beauty can enhance our day-to-day lives.

DAY 11: FEELINGS

Out of Your Mind page: Ideal Emotions

Feelings come and go, and even the painful ones have their benefits. Consider all of the feelings you’ve experienced and appreciate how lovely it is to feel a range of emotion.

DAY 12: WORK

Out of Your Mind page: To-Done List

Work isn’t always fun, but it often gives us purpose. Use today to reflect on gratitude for the work you do, or to consider how you want to work differently in the future.

DAY 13: KINDNESS

Out of Your Mind page: Play Kind Games

It’s World Kindness Day! Celebrate by appreciating all of the kindness in your life — both big and small — and, if you can, try to commit a random act of kindness today.

DAY 14: FOOD

Out of Your Mind page: Positive Popsicles

How lucky we are to have food to keep us moving forward. Use today’s prompt to appreciate the variety of food in the world — especially the food you enjoy the most.

DAY 15: MUSIC

Out of Your Mind page: Soothing Sounds

Music is, to me, one of the greatest joys of being alive. Today, consider what kind of music you most enjoy and give some thought to how lucky you are to experience music in your life.

DAY 16: HEALTH

Out of Your Mind page: Let’s Get Physical

Health is the most important kind of wealth. Appreciate all of the ways your body is healthy and allow yourself to feel how you feel about the parts that aren’t working so well.

DAY 17: SEASONS

Out of Your Mind page: Select Your Season

Changing seasons is such a wonderful aspect of life. Even if you don’t have a lot of seasonal change, use today to reflect on your favorite time of year and why you enjoy it so much.

DAY 18: JOY

Out of Your Mind page: Be Vicariously Joyful

If you’re feeling joyful today, celebrate it and do your best to stay in the moment with it. If today’s not a joyful day, consider appreciating, vicariously, all the joy happening now.

DAY 19: FAMILY

Out of Your Mind page: Mixed Feelings

Today, celebrate the family in your life — biological, chosen, or otherwise. The people you surround yourself with are your family and today’s the day to be thankful for them.

DAY 20: INSPIRATION

Out of Your Mind page: Inspiring iSpy

Seek out inspiration today and, wherever you find it, appreciate the ways that you feel when something sparks excitement within you. Remember all the inspiration you’ve felt before.

DAY 21: BEAUTY

Out of Your Mind page: Daily Delights

What’s the most beautiful thing in the world to you? Today’s the day to appreciate that beauty and recall how lucky you are to experience it. Look for beauty everywhere you can.

DAY 22: MEMORIES

Out of Your Mind page: Memory Lane

Today consider some of your favorite memories and appreciate how fortunate you were to have those experiences. If you want, try to make a new, happy memory today.

DAY 23: BOOKS

Out of Your Mind page: Book Shelfie

There’s a special joy that can be found in a book. Use today’s prompt to appreciate (maybe even re-read) your favorite book. (Bonus points: share a favorite book with someone you love!)

DAY 24: HOME

Out of Your Mind page: Home Sweet Home

Home is my favorite place to be. Today, reflect on what you love about your home — and the homes you’ve had in the past — and be grateful for a roof over your head.

DAY 25: CHANGE

Out of Your Mind page: Change the Channel

Change can be tough, but it’s part of life. Consider the last time you faced a big change in your life and how it led you to where you are now. Everything is progress — even tough change!

DAY 26: ROUTINE

Out of Your Mind page: Mirror Minded

Your favorite routine might be a small thing, but it can positively impact your mood. Be grateful for any routines that you enjoy today and be extra mindful of them today.

DAY 27: ART

Out of Your Mind page: Emotional Easel

Celebrate today’s prompt — art — by looking at some of your favorite artwork or creating some art of your own. Even if you don’t feel artistic, you have the power to make art — just try!

DAY 28: ENERGY

Out of Your Mind page: Energy Assessment

Energy comes and goes, and today’s a good day to appreciate the ebbs and flows of your own energy. If it’s a high energy day, do something fun. If not, allow yourself to appreciate relaxation.

DAY 29: IDEAS

Out of Your Mind page: Plant It to Plan It

Embrace ideas — both yours and others’ — today by contemplating what you’d consider to be some of the best ideas. Appreciate the conveniences that were once just ideas!

DAY 30: SELF-LOVE

Out of Your Mind page: Self-Love Letter

On the final day of the gratitude challenge, turn your gratitude to yourself. Appreciate how far you’ve come and how much you’re still going to do in this life. Give yourself extra love today!

These 30 prompts are merely suggestions, so feel free to make up your own prompts or mix these up. As you focus on gratitude this month, don’t forget to use the hashtag #Gratitude30 so I can see your posts.  I can’t wait spend the month of November focusing on all the things we’re thankful for — and seeing what you create in your Out of Your Mind journal!

“I’m so happy I found your account! I see your work all over the place, but I never knew who made it!” 

This was a comment I received on Instagram last week, and it’s not the first of its kind. Last week I hit the 100,000 follower mark on Instagram, which, silly as it sounds, was a big deal to me. I know I’m supposed to act like I don’t care about followers and these numbers don’t matter, but when you’re a brand — when you work hard to put up content almost daily and the number of people you reach correlates to your ability to actually afford groceries and rent — these numbers do matter. It was a really exciting milestone for me, but its brought to the surface some really mixed feelings I have about Instagram.

I love Instagram, obviously, and I want the platform to continue to thrive, but there are some major downsides for creators. Creators post on there, driving traffic to the app, but, unlike a platform like YouTube, creators aren’t compensated for all of the work they do to bring people to the app. That’s a big scale problem, and one that I don’t have the capacity to directly address, but there’s also the sharing (and, all too often, stealing) issue, which is what I want to talk about here. 

Before I get into it, I have to admit that writing about this is difficult for me, because I feel the following: 

• Worried that I’ll sound ungrateful for my audience
• Silly for being angry about something like Instagram
• Embarrassed that my ego is possessive of my work
• Annoyed that I have to care about “credit” as a creator

But, as uncomfortable as I feel writing this, it’s something I’ve been wanting to talk about for a long time. See, over the past few years, things have changed a lot in terms of Positively Present’s content and audience. Part of this has been my personal growth, my desire to create and share art in addition to writing, and part of it is a shift in the way people consume content online. I used to just write (and occasionally create images or illustrations) here on the site. They would get shared, yes, but typically with a link to the site so it was a give-and-take situation: someone would take my work and share it and, in return, I would be given the opportunity to reach new people. But, with Instagram, all of that’s different now. It’s a lot more take than give. Because Instagram doesn’t make it easy to share links (particularly if you don’t have a large account) or credit creators, it’s up to individuals to give credit, and many people don’t know how (or even that they should). 

I’ve shared guidelines before (the number of times a day I have to write “Check the FAQ story highlights for details on sharing!” is mind-boggling), but I thought I’d write them out again here. Keep reading for more on why these guidelines are so important for creators (’cause it’s about way more than wanting more followers!).  

PERSONAL ACCOUNT GUIDELINES

Creators love when personal accounts share their work because we’re getting a real, positive promotion from someone who genuinely likes our work and wants to share it with family and friends. Unfortunately, because the everyday Instagram user often isn’t familiar with Instagram etiquette, they often don’t know to credit properly. Here’s the deal:  

• Always mention the creator in the first two lines of the caption.
• Always tag the creator in the image itself.
• Never filter, crop, or edit the image (doing so is changing the work without permission).
• Never share a bunch of one creator’s photos in a row (it’s just rude. and weird.).
• Consider purchasing something from a creator, particularly if you share the work frequently.
• Stop following freebooting accounts (see below) and follow creators instead. 

BRAND ACCOUNT GUIDELINES 
 
Ideally, brands should be paying creators to make content for them — particularly the large brands — but since this isn’t how things seem to work for the most part, at the very least, brands should do the following: 

• Always ask permission before sharing. Large brands that have shared my work, magazines like Shape, Glamour, and Teen Vogue, do this. Smaller brands frequently do not, and it’s problematic because no creator wants their work connected to a cause / product / celebrity they don’t support.
• Always mention the creator in the first two lines of the caption. This is especially important for brands to do because, if you’re getting content for free, the very least you can do is drive some traffic to the creator’s account. 
• Always tag the creator in the image itself.
• Never filter, crop, or edit the image (doing so is changing the work without a creator’s permission).
• Never share a bunch of one creator’s photos in a row (it’s just rude. and weird.).
• Never imply the creator is a partner of or affiliated with the brand (unless a paid partnership is in place). 
• Never use an image to promote a sale, promotion, event, or other business-related content. 
• Hire the creators you really like to create custom work for you. It’s way cooler than just reposting! 

FREEBOOTING ACCOUNT GUIDELINES

Freebooting accounts are Instagram accounts (like this) that do not create any of their own content, but instead share only other people’s content to grow their own page. I’m not fully aware of the purpose of this and, in many cases, I don’t believe it’s malicious, but it’s still harmful to creators and particularly unfair when these freebooting accounts grow very large and receive compensation in the form of sponsorships, ads, and other partnerships — all while creating no work of their own. 

• Never share creators’ work unless you’re going to create work of your own. 
• If you want to curate things, hop over to Pinterest. That’s what it’s for. 
• Why are you doing this? What are you getting out of it? Likes? Stop it. 
• Just cut it out.
• No. 
• Stop. 
• Seriously. Why? 

So, why these guidelines? Why not just share my work and not worry about the credit? (A creator I love specifically says that anyone can share her work without credit and, as much as I love the idea of that — so selfless! so altruistic! — it plays all too well into the age-old tale of the starving artist, the notion that, in order to be creative, one doesn’t actually make a living off one’s work.) In reality, credit — as silly as it sounds — is a huge deal for creators.  

As far as I can tell, there’s never been a period of time in history where creators’ works were just taken and used whenever and wherever. If, back in the day, you owned an art shop, you couldn’t just take a painter’s work and then sell it as your own without physically stealing the paintings. Now, it’s just a few taps on your phone, and you can take creative content and share it. For free. All the sharing is wonderful in that in can, if an image is credited properly, drive traffic to a creator’s account. 

But, most of the time, creators’ work isn’t credited properly (or at all). I personally struggle with this a great deal. On one hand, I want to be open and carefree and think, I’m just generous creator and I’m happy to have my work shared and appreciated, even if I don’t receive any appreciation or compensation for it. But another part of me can’t seem to shake the notion that this work is mine. It whispers to me, You worked so hard on this. Why shouldn’t you receive credit or, god forbid, compensation for what you’ve done? 

I don’t want to feel the “mine-ness” of my work, but I do. Every time I see my work shared without credit, it feels like a sharp sting, a pinprick in my heart. Every time I see my work with the signature removed — someone’s deliberate attempt to claim it as their own — it feels like I’ve been shoved to the ground, wind knocked out of me. 

This feeling of ownership is a strange mix of selfishness (That’s mine!, my mind squeals like a toddler when her toy has been snatched away) and selflessness (Hey! When you just share others’ work, you’re really missing out on the joy of creating it yourself!, my mind also exclaims.) It sounds silly to say, but I almost feel guilty, being part of this culture that encourages people to look and share rather than make and create. Sometimes it feels like I’m spinning around on a giant dance floor — not the best dancer in the world, but having a damn good time — with all of these people standing on the sidelines saying, “Wow! I love your dance moves! That looks fun!” and I want to yell, If you like it, get out here! Try it. Make something! 

It makes me wonder: Why are creators giving so much away for free? (Answer: Because they have to in order to gain followers and be considered “successful” enough to be worthy of brand deals, ads, book contracts, etc.) What kinds of creativity are we losing by staring at screens filled with things other people have made instead of making things ourselves? (Answer: Unknown, but probably a lot of cool stuff!) Maybe we’d be better off if people put down their phones and picked up a pencil or a paintbrush. Perhaps this makes me sound ungrateful and petulant, but I’m constantly conflicted by the desire to make work that is appreciated and the desire to work alone quietly, undetected. And, as strange as it might sound if you’re not in the same position, it’s actually really stressful to be torn between these two things.

You might be thinking at this point: If you’re so bothered by this, why don’t you just not share it? Or just post it on your website? There are two main reasons I continue to share my work on Instagram (and other social media platforms): (1) It’s one of the best ways to grow an audience and, therefore, make enough money to (barely…) be able to afford food, and (2) I genuinely enjoy it and want to help people. Have you ever heard that old saying, What would you do all day if you didn’t have to worry about money? Well, I’m doing it. I love writing and drawing and creating and sharing and helping other people with simple things that speak to them. I really do. I don’t really care about getting credit — yes, there’s a part of me that thinks “mine!” but most of me really just wants to make things, even if no one sees them — but I do care about making a living and, like it or not, getting credit indirectly leads to getting paid.  

With this post, it’s not my intention to sound whiny or thankless — particularly amidst the joy of reaching a big Instagram milestone! 100k! Hooray!! — but, as much as social media feels like a frivolous time-waster, for a lot of creators — including me! — it’s really not. It matters. It’s how we find work, sell products, build brands that will attract publishing houses or product distributors or whoever else can help us to grow our businesses. And, remember: the more a creator succeeds, the more content you’ll likely get.

Mostly, I just wanted to get all of this out of my mind and into words. It’s a weird and wonderful time to be a creative, and I’m incredibly grateful for all of the appreciation and opportunities that have come my way as a result of Instagram (and social media in general), but I think it’s important for people who aren’t creators — those who are consuming the content — to think about the other side to all of this free art. Creators are real people, people who work really hard to make things, and if you like what they do, you should support them — at the very least, by crediting their work, but, if you can, by actually paying for their work. 

If you can, buy something from a creator you follow this week. Pick up an art print. Buy a book. Or, if that’s not an option, try creating something yourself. Above all, that’s what I’d really love to see: more people creating, fewer people consuming. (Stay tuned for more on this soon!) 

I obviously had a lot to say on this subject, but I’d love to hear from you, too! Are you a creator? What is your experience with Instagram / sharing / social media? If you’re not a creator, do you think about this? What are your thoughts now? Let me know in the comments section below!